Releasing control!

Madeline and Clara

October 13, 2013

Aunt Dana watching Baby Clara

Clara has to be moved around every three hours during her care time. This was the third way she was placed while I was there today. Her favorite is her tummy!

Clara is now 30 days old. She weighs 840 grams. About 1 pound 13 ounces. In the past week her weight has gone up and down and is literally the same as it was a week ago. This is because with both rounds of the PDA medicine, indomethcian, she couldn't get her feedings and not a lot of calories. For this reason they are going to wait a couple of more days to try and take her off the vent. Maximizing her nutrition and make her bigger. 

She is about 13 inches now. She has grown 2 inches since she was born. A big YAY! Clara is still very alert and is constantly looking and moving around, like in the photo. Her nurse said today that most little babies, just sleep and Clara is always just a looking. 

Her blood gases looked great over the weekend and they were able to ween the vent, so she is really not on a lot of support right now. 

We have a new doctor on rotation. For the next three weeks,  i'm sure he will have different opinions about the PDA. If she can  not be extubated. They will talk about open the discussion about the PDA and surgery.

Today was a nice quiet visit, just me and Clara. 

She looks like she is praying

Tonight I began reading a new book I have "The Power of a Praying Parent" by Stormie Omartian. Chapter 2 is called "Releasing My Child into God's Hands". It is about releasing our control to FULLY parent our children, and let God have full access to their lives. "We must acknowledge that he is in control of their lives and ours. And when we do both our children and ourselves can have greater peace. We can not be everywhere. But God can. We can't see everything but God can. We can't know everything. But God can. When we can release them it is a sign on faith and trust in him and is the first step toward making a difference in their lives". The way to do this is to pray these things to GOD and commit to pray about everything concerning our children"

I am sorry to say that I have not been very good at this. I am a control freak and worry wart when it has come to Madeline. And even with Clara it is so hard to leave and just know that she will be okay.  I have told myself that she is in the very best hands with the doctors and Nurses, but I have never actually asked God to be in control of her little, young life in the NICU. To take care of her. Nor I have I done that with Madeline. Example: in the past 5 weeks. I have just fretted over her being alone in school without me being there, is she safe, I have worried what all of this has done to her, and is she happy. 

I wish I would have read this book, chapter, a long time ago! 

Hannah in the Bible prayed for a son. God gave her Samuel, who later became a great prophet of God. After she learned she was pregnant she said "For this child I have prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition which I asked of him. Therefore I also have lent him to the Lord; as long as he lives he shall be lent to the Lord" (1 Samuel 1:27-29)

The book says that "we do not want to limit what God can do in our children's lives by clutching on to them ourselves and trying to do it all alone". I think I will make this very HARD commitment to pray constantly for everything concerning them, and to not impose my own will when I do so. I have to let God's will be done in their life. SOUNDS SO HARD at first!!! However then again, when I think about partnering this responsibility with God there is a certain peace about it.