Conversations with GOD.

Conversations with the Father can be full of difficult

questions or it can be easy talking about everyday

life. It's whatever you need it to be. He is there

to listen and build a relationship with you. 

Is it ok to ask the hard questions? Sure, he knows our 

questions before we ask them. Is it alright to be angry

at life and at God when things don't turnout

the way we want them to? He knows that too.

Just tell Him how you feel, get it out in the open.

It's not like we can hide it from Him.....

Tell God whatever you need to tell Him, ask all the

questions you want, He will never turn His back on you. 

He is faithful,He is love, and He understands. 

Julie Moore.

How long Lord? Will you forget me forever?
how long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?...
Look on me and answer, Lord my God......

But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart
rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord's praise
for he has been good to me.
Psalm 13:1-3, 5-6

Sometimes I have struggled with can I be honest to God. I mean I know he knows my negative thoughts and when I am upset. I can't hide those from him. But is it OK to say them out loud in prayer. I am being ungrateful or defiant,  if in my conversations with him I am honest? I have really especially struggled with this through out the past four weeks. I have been angry at times about what has happened.
I have been angry that Clara, myself, Jason and Madeline are having to go through this. I have been angry that my pregnancy had ended, and I wasn't able to enjoy the next three months. I feel striped away of the Joy I had in my heart of anticipating Clara being born full term in December. I miss the person I was, teaching, pregnant, busy with my five year old. These are just a few.  I feel ashamed for thinking these things. I am almost certain some one would or probably has already judged me thinking and for even saying these out loud. With this angry comes sadness as well. 

Don't get me wrong I do not feel these ways all the time, a lot in the beginning but less now. I have not turned my back on God, nor have I stopped praising him, or pressing on with my faith. In fact I have had to really lean on scripture and on him especially when I am feeling these ways. But it happens, I am packing up maternity clothes and I begin to feel this again. I see a super pregnant lady at hospital, I feel this if only for a second. I drop Madeline off at school and feel sad that I am not there with her, or teaching ART in my classroom. 

Then I read this. And I am encouraged. 

I especially like the part that he is understanding and that he will never turn his back on me no matter what I have to say. By getting this all out in the open, I then can pray for grace and for healing to this part of my life. "He is strong enough to handle anything we share with him and he loves us unconditionally" (Gerth, Under God's Umbrella)

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News for Today!

Today is hopeful day. I actually stayed home to get much rest. I have been up there for days straight and I know that I will be there all weekend Jason was going, so I felt it was OK for me to stay in bed. I got a little weepy this morning, probably from feeling the guilt of not going, hence the reading and blog post about the above. 

Then....about an hour later God spoke to me. Jason called with the very hopeful news that they were going to try and extubate Clara at 2:00 today. She is doing great since the medicine for the PDA. They believe they have made it smaller. They were able to wean her PIP on vent to 15. He oxygen settings still remain low. Blood gas was perfect. Pulses not bounding, murmur pitch is different and more turbulence. An indication that it is smaller. She weighs 835 grams. about 1 pound and 13 ounces.  

They have given her caffeine to open up her lungs and stimulate breathing on her own. 

So now........................we must pray she can do this.  She could show us soon as possible it isn't going to work, or over weekend it isn't working. IF this doesn't work they will order an ECHO of her heart and they will reopen the discussion of the PDA. 

But I know she can do this. I have prayed over and over again that it works.