Persevere

The above photos were taken today. Clara has started to maintain her body temperature and inside the isolette is starting to get warmer. I think I have written about this last week. Today they decided to dress her and keep the bed at a set temperature, and see how it goes. This outfit is just one that belongs to the NICU. If this works I can start to bring in her own clothes, with of course her name inside. 

The size is preemie, and as you can see it swallows her. Normally the babies do not get into clothes until 1250 grams, but Clara is of the gestational age that she can maintain her temp. but is just small for her age. 

I hope it works. She looks so pretty in a little outfit, just like a baby doll. 

So today was a great day to take lot of photos. 

Clara is up to 1105 grams which is about 1 pound and 7 ounces. 

Yesterday I posted on Facebook that she was going to extubated onto the bubble CPAP. When I walked into her room I saw the bubble CPAP, and again got really excited. I even took these photos. 

I sat outside the POD and waited and was relieved when her Doctor gave a thumbs up! She said it went very smoothly, best try so far. I think he was very optimistic that it would work. I spent the next few hours watching and taking photos.It was then that I heard her cry for the first time. Because she has had that vent tube down her throat for 7 weeks, her cry sounded a lot like a creaking door. 

This was such a sweet moment for me as a mommy. For seven weeks I have listened to other babies cry, and just thought to myself how I couldn't wait to hear Clara for the first time make a sound.

At 1:30 I left for home to get ready for Halloween, just praising God, so relieved and Joyful she had finally done it. 

Unfortunately about 4:30 I called to check up on her, and had a bradycardiac event where they did have to intervene. They were able to keep her on the BCPAP, but told me she was way up on her oxygen so more than likely she would probably be re intubated. But they wanted to give her every opportunity to try again. 

Needless to say Jason and I were totally bummed and walked around trick or treating with heavy hearts. 

At 9:00 she was put back on the vent. I wasn't surprised, but felt defeated and went to bed.

 When we got to the hospital she was just wiggling around, back to her normal settings. We did kangaroo care for an 1 1/2. It was a relief to hold her, and somehow then I knew everything would be okay. 

We learned that from the doctor that her lungs were fine while trying to breathe on their own, but perhaps she has an obstruction in her airway above the vocal cords or below. Possible inflammation for the ET itself?

We will talk with a pulmonary doctor next week to see what our next step is. 

As I said on Facebook,  I want to thank everyone for the congratulatory messages and encouraging messages and texts. I do look forward to the day to get them again, when it is successful. Jason and I  continue to pray for perseverance, and the strength to press on. 

The past 24 hours doubt has consumed my mind and I just don't understand why this has to be so hard. Last night and this morning I was stuck in fear once again. 

I read a devotional today about Habakkuk. 

Tragedy is a scary thing that always hits us by surprise. It can come in the form of the loss of health, wealth, a loved one, livelihood, shelter, and more. Though Habakkuk knew that tragedy was coming, it still struck fear in his heart. God forewarned him that the Chaldeans would be used to chastise Israel because of her unfaithfulness. And the prophet said, “I trembled inside when I heard this; my lips quivered with fear. My legs gave way beneath me, and I shook in terror” (Habakkuk 3:16). This honest confession is sandwiched between two great declarations: God’s faithfulness in history (vv.3-15) and Habakkuk’s response of faith in his faithful God (vv.17-19).

we need to go back to the facts of how God has worked in history. That’s what Habakkuk did (vv.3-15). Our faith isn’t based in fiction. It’s founded on a God who has proven Himself faithful throughout the years.

Yet, despite this knowledge, we can still be afraid (v.16). Fear is a legitimate emotion in the face of tragedy. It doesn’t have to immobilize us, however. We can move on by choosing to praise God (v.18).

This has brought me much comfort, and again the will to persevere.