Miracle

Clara is 57 days old today. She weighs 1180 grams, 20 grams more than yesterday. Because she is in clothes ans can maintain her body temperature, I was able to swaddle her and hold her like a baby. This was the first time I could really look at her face up close. She is still so small, but is so beautiful. She has the cutest little button noses, and blond hair. I held her for able 2 hours, but had to give her back for a blood transfusion. Her hemoglobin was borderline low, and needed blood. This should hopefully help with her oxygen. Today she was de stating all over the place. 

Unfortunately no better news about her airway issue. In fact Dr. used the word discouraging. We are hoping the airway stenosis will get better, looking for a leak around her ET tube. Showing that air is going around the tube, telling that the airway is less inflamed. As of today 0% leak. He would like for her to grow another week or so, and perhaps do another extubation. This would be her fifth. If she fails with this and still can not get off the vent, unfortunately we will have to face bigger issues. 

This will create a total new realm of scary for us. 

I do not think our Dr is very encouraged, and isn't hopeful that another extubation will work. I am not trying to be negative, but it is just what I perceived from our talk. 

However I believe in miracles, and I know my God is most powerful. I am praying now for a miracle. For this stenosis to be temporary, and Clara can be extubated. I pray for God to fight for her and for Him to be with her all the time, especially when I can not. 

I pray for the doctors and nurses who take care of her. I pray for their wisdom and strength. Their jobs are not easy. As one told me today, they do get attached and care about the babies. 

Also I pray for Jason and myself. This is hard. Gut renching hard., Heart breaking hard. At times I feel like I'm barely hanging on...My feet stuck in fear. So I pray for God to fight for us. Exodus 14:14 says. "The Lord will fight for you. You need to be only still" 

I pray for a miracle, I pray for a miracle, I pray for a miracle!