Romans 8:28

Amplified Bible (AMP)

28 We are assured and know that  all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose.

 Job 42 Then Job replied to the Lord:

2 

“I know that you can do all things;

    no purpose of yours can be thwarted.

3 

You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?’

    Surely I spoke of things I did not understand,

    things too wonderful for me to know.

1 Peter 5:7

New International Version (NIV)

7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

2 Corinthians 5:7

New International Version (NIV)

7 For we live by faith, not by sight.

Clara is feeling better. Her xrays look good and it seems her tummy issues, gastritis, are gone. She is back to full feeds, just straight breast milk and no formula or fortifier yet. This week she lost a little weight and gained alittle, and now weighs 4 pounds and 12 ounces. She looks great and very healthy. 

The bronchoscopy will be Tuesday. They could not fit her in the schedule Friday, after I asked several times. I understood ENT's explanation and so we must wait. Very frustrating for Jason and I both. She is doing great lung wise, so I feel now she is just sitting on the ventilator waiting for a bronc. If it wasn't for her airway, she is ready now more than ever. 

To accept this I really have had to think that maybe there is just a reason it needs to be done later. Perhaps just to get through Madeline's birthday and weekend celebrating her with family. 

I read this tonight in my book Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young. It is actually the devotion for tomorrow, December 12th. 

I am taking care of you. Feel the warmth and security of being enveloped in My loving presence. Every detail of your life is under my control. Because the world is in an abnormal, fallen condition, people tend to think that chance governs the universe. Events may seen to occur randomly, with little or no meaning. people who view the world this way have overlooked once basic fact:the limitations of human understanding. ....If you could only see how close I am to you and how constantly I work on your behalf, you would never again doubt that I am wonderfully caring for you. This is why you must live by faith not by sight; trusting in My mysterious, majestic Presence. 

The above scriptures in the bible reaffirmed this for me. This entire experience has taught me how to faith in God and how to LIVE in faith. I am powerless when determining my future and how things will be. What is real is the day to day. 

People ask me all the time when will she get out of the hospital and I just don't know. Right now I can not see the end of this, this unknown is so painful. My NICU friend and I talked about this today. If we just knew either way, good or bad, what the ending was going to be this would be so much easier. Will our babies come home? IF so when will they come home? What will be their medical needs? 

However I as I read this tonight I again focus on how in God's plan all things will be worked together according to his purpose. "Surely I speak of things I do not understand, that are to wonderful for me to know" 

 So we must trust that there is a reason for no bronc yet, and wait. All answers will be revealed in due time. 

This song came to me tonight. So many times have I listened to this song in my life, especially now. "While I am Waiting" by John Waller