As of this morning Clara still continues to do well. She now weighs 2075, which is 4 pounds and 9 ounces. She is having 36 mls of milk, which is now partly mixed with formula and fortifier. No major vent changes except her PIP down to 17, and PEEP still 6. 17/6. Starting today she will have daily lasics, just get out any lingering fluid. She will start caffeine today to give her a boost to a extubation on Thursday for her Bronc. 

We have had a nice Holiday weekend with family, friends, visits with Clara, and time at home with Madeline. My family came over Friday and helped decorated our house for Christmas. It is so wonderful to have it done. The entire day I felt so completely loved and taken care of. 

This is usually something I love to do. We have so much Christmas, it takes two good days to accomplish it all. Understandably this year it just isn't the same, but for Madeline it needs to be. My family didn't even ask, they just said we are coming over! What a relief! 

That night Jason and I sat in front of our beautifully decorated tree, and just talked about how hard it is to feel like ourselves. All of our wonderful decorations are out, the house looks festive just as it does every December, but we are so different. Life has gone for everyone, but in our house it feels like time has stood still. We had planned to have a Christmas baby, and even after September 8 for weeks I thought we may still at least have her home. I had accepted it wouldn't be this way a while ago, but Friday I remembered all we had hoped and dreamed about when we found out we were pregnant last Spring. Even after 80 days, that loss is still there. 

I read this, just his morning and it comforted me. 

God loves you in the morning sun and the evening rain, 

without caution or regret.....God loves

without condition or reservation, and 

loves you this moment as you are and not as you should be. 

God loves me as I am this moment even though I don't even resemble myself anymore. I am not as I should be, I know that, but I have Hope that one I will be again. Clara will be home some day and our family will be restored. 

Arts and Crafts. Clara's Primary Nurse made these. Heather our other favorite nurse, calls her Clarabel. Hence the hand print cows. 

Fun times picking out a tree with cousins. 

Time with Daddy on Thanksgiving day. 

putting Clara back after a nice time being rocked. 

Specials visits from some best friends. Thanks girls for the lunch and for spending time with me and Clara.