Adaptive

Clara just works so hard through out the week with her therapy. She has PT twice a week and OT once a week. We have also started feeding therapy at REX every other week. Also she has to be stretched out at least three times a day which can take combined about an hour a day. She just works so hard even when she doesn't want to. This summer I have really got to participate in each therapy session.  I am just so proud of Clara and how hard she works on "her" milestones. There are many things she can't do, and to be honest I do not know when she will. But I have learned to find joy in the small things, like sitting seconds longer, or finally getting both hands (after several tries) together to reach for a toy, riding in the stroller for thirty minutes, and also very awkardly taking the pacie out and getting it back in.  I cling to these, they are just so BIG to me. 

I  do worry so much about Clara's development. This is something I have to pray about a lot, this worry and fear of what is to come.  When you have a typical child you never wonder if they will sit, walk, be able to pick things up. You just know they will, your "What to Expect" book or Baby Center tells you all that.  But with a child that has special needs, it's not that easy. There are no development books, Parent's magazine, advice from your mommy friends that help you plan and know what is to come.  There is no rule book, just your little child to know and learn from, time, time, more time, and seeking help from trained professionals. .  

To be honest every time I receive a piece of adaptive equipment (that I have asked for) for Clara, I do get a little sad, almost like "I really don't wont her be using this...because I want her to NOT have to". Just so crazy I know.

When  I was recently asked about additional stuff like adaptive carseats, bathtubs, etc for the future I declined because I said she isn't ready, but really I am just not either.   

It has almost been a year since my life has been transformed. Clara is almost one. When I think about that I feel relief that we have survived, she has survived, and as a family we have MORE love than we started with. But I also feel anxiety and still a sense of loss that I don't completely understand. The first day I blogged last September I wrote that I just couldn't understand what happened, and that I maybe never will..at least on this side of eternity. 

That is still true. Just lots of a feelings and emotions that I know God will help me with. However despite this mixed bag of stuff..one thing I know is that.he has revealed so much to me about myself and continually renews my strength. With this and his promises I will persevere, so will Clara, and we all will adapt.