2016 New Years Resolutions

I have never been that great with making new years resolutions.Probably because I usually don't follow through with them.  They mostly involve becoming healthier, thinner, and even yes...actually going to the gym. 

With 2015 coming to an end I am ready to put a lot behind me, us and move on. I am again searching for ways to improve myself,  but this time for my girls. I want to ensure that both girls have the best life possible, in the coming year. That means a stronger me. 

The past several months I have been silently suffering, from our life. I guess from the outside It looks pretty good, but those that really get a good peek inside know its been hard. 

This year a lot has been thrown our way, and his entire time I have been stuck in processing mode. I have been moving through it with the girls and Jason, just trying to get through each day but never really sure of anything. Especially myself. My biggest insecurity, I know the devil placed on me, has been that I am not enough. He reels me back in more often, than I should allow. From this, I have avoided a lot and  have spend just so much time being very angry and afraid. I reveal this daily with God, with the shame and guilt of feeling this way. 

I think it began with Clara's seizures and then Madeline's diagnosis. Even though she has been very healthy, Clara has had multiple trach infections since this summer, which are exhausting to treat with two week breathing treatments. Her disabilities are more noticeable now, with the gap of difference between her and other children her age. It's been over a year since her CP diagnosis, and I am not sure I was given time to really process that entirely. We had the trach, seizures, and Maddie's T1D to keep us busy.  I think also maybe there was a little denial it would be better than expected. 

Christmas as I said last post found me very stuck in a whole bunch of my own baggage. Now that 2015 is over I am ready to clean myself up and get myself together for my family. 

  

For Clara I pray each day Lord, just help me help her, and remind me every moment I am enough. 

New Years Resolutions 2016

To trust that I am enough

BE STRONG

Celebrate the GREAT days, especially if they stretch into weeks and months

Be a better advocate for T1D and CP. Become more educated. 

Take more photos

Blog more (it makes me feel better)

take more time for myself and Jason and I together

and a few really great ones are listed here as well. 22 Resolutions Special Needs Parents are making

Happy New Year!!