Wake Med

Good morning from the Ronald McDonald room at Wake Med Hospital. Clara had a stay last night with mommy and daddy. She has been just so sick this week with a virus? trach infection?, who really knows. Just has been a sick baby this week, and out of the 8 months she has been home, and throughout all her bugs, this was the scariest. Clara has yet to run a fever home, so this time she did which made her feel really bad. The fever has lasted days, but not one last night nor today. Is she on her way up? I think so, but  I never really know.  Whats next week going to be like, or three weeks from now? It feels just like just last week she was getting over viral pneumonia, and we were in the ER at UNC. Since February we have been to the ER three times, with two stays. Is that a lot? 

What I know:

So what they saying is that she has bacteria growing in her trach. This bug has been there two other times. I guess its there to stay. But it is an infection? That is the investigation. Also was this a virus? Also they are checking with UNC doctors to put their brilliant minds together and figure something out. We are just waiting. She is not getting fluids, eating fine, but antibiotics possibly through an IV to cover lots of stuff, just in case she does have an infection. She is sleeping alot, and loving her pacie and lots of snuggle time. 

Doctors and her nurses commented how great we are to know all we know. I listen, talk and ask, what the plan. You know there is always one. If you have been really sick, or have a love one that is sick you know to go from one plan to the next. 

Also...with all of this... reality, to go through this all the time, is numbing, and you don't know what to really be super worried about. My first reaction to is just get very overwhelmed "we are doing this again....OMG", then perspective kicks in. Yes we are, and we will plow through it....but I swear sometimes I feel I am just going to break. Explode from just too much. So safe to say I'm okay, but a mess all at the same time. 

What has been going through my mind lately is, is this just the way it is always going to be? Again, after she came home February I thought we were on our way up. But it feels that we are going backwards. Or are we? Is this just Clara's normal. Alot to discuss and figure out with her team of specialists. But that's another day. 

I knew this past Sunday when the above photo was taken she was getting sick. What doesn't show is how upset Clara was that evening. But she loves being kissed, always has. I love that kisses can always help.  Thanks Heather again for sharing this photo last night when you found out she was admitted.  In the midst of everything, what a beautiful blessing a photo can be. 

Madeline knows the deal and had time with Pop last night.  Just how grown up she has to be. Like I have said, she is such our anchor. Just the other day, she found a rock in the yard. Billy  our dog dug it up, which is another topic. She cleaned, and dried it and left it out for the nurses to admire it. I love how just her mind thinks. So many any posts I need to write about her. 

I am not sure who looks this worst in this photo. Clara or me. Our normal is to snuggle in the bed together the ER. I have lots of these selfies. Been like a tradition now to take selfies the hosptial. Also...thank goodness for pacie. She has literally sucked the orange off.