A Year Later

This post was written like two weeks ago, just days after Clara turned one. Several times I have added, taken away, and saved. Hoping to add one more photo or something. When it's time to settle in and do so I usually crash on the couch or go to bed just exhaulsted. So sorry to neglect such a monunmental time, so please just read as if I posted this when I should have...on time! 

This past Monday we celebrated Clara's first birthday. I felt incredibly blessed the entire day that we've survived and that we have more love in our family than we had a year earlier.

We kept the evening simple with just the four of us, snuggling and just loving her. Weeks before I spent time just remembering so much and trying to figure out what this day was supposed to be or feel like. And I can say now that the day felt overwhelmingly good and peaceful. So proud of our little baby girl, how she survived against all odds. Also just so proud and so in love with my family of 4, how WE perservered together. 

I don't think a year ago I ever dared to look to a year later. It was unbearable to imagine the next day, let alone 12 months later. However I do know I would have never thought I personally would have done all that I have, or would be able to become who I am. If it had been revealed to me then, I think I would have just broke. But God saved me. He knew and gave me strength each day and met me where I was and he still does. He blessed us with many wonderful people through Clara, restored relationships made them stronger and because of them not only did she survive but we did as well.

This past Saturday we celebrated with our families. Clara was passed around, and loved. No she didn't eat cake, or open presents. She didn't take her first steps or even knew what the day was about. But Jason , Madeline, and myself did, and everyone else did as well. Just a celebration for us, and for this little baby and for what she has all taught us. LOVE and Hope. 

A year later on September 8th, the day she came, didn't seem so hard and scarey, it just felt wonderful. It felt just like a first birthday should!  

Thanks Dana for taking all the photos...love this one of you! A true selfie

I can't even begin to tell you how FULL my heart is, with love. I think what I will remember about Clara's first Birthday is just that! 

UPDATE

This past week Clara had two appointments. Eye and Special Infant Care. The eye surgery we thought in October has been cancelled. She is now seeing out of both eyes and I guess we are now waiting. This eye stuff is a little confusing to me, I guess just one piece of this puzzle we are trying to put together.

Special Infant Care was again a long appointment but had lots of good information, and again more changes. We felt very supported this past visit, and met with just amazing people. Clara is now over 15 pounds. We are hoping to start vision therapy as well as add another developmental doctor to the mix, another med, etc.  Today in fact she is starting with a new OT, which I am excited about. 

They are especially worried about RSV/cold season approaching. Clara still has bad reflux and will all the throwing up this can cause aspiration, which then pnumonia. I am nervous about the weather turning cooler and all the germs and colds that come along with it.

Her next broncoscopy is October 9th.