Teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
Psalm 90:12
This day certainly marked me. It changed the way I see all my days, especially the days yet to come. I have seen that "life is fragile and finite" and just that the smallest blessings are the biggest. I've counted every moment as rare and precious like in a breath it could be gone. I've had to learn that bad things can happen, even if you pray for them not to. I've also learned that such a small family can weather a strong storm together, and gain more love from it.
I do often live on autopilot forgetting all these truths. Ill get worried or wrapped up in something silly or trival, which will make me very messy. A hard blow will come my way, and I'll try to wrestle with it myself forgetting how much I need God in all my moments especially those. Distance will come and I will feel again set apart.
Then my day circled in red will remind me "to not live in fear, to be courageous, embrace life with both hands but yet hold it loosley, overflow with joy and weap with abandon, and love deeply but know how to let go". (Gerth)
"Our circles are our calenders are apart of a much bigger circle one that Goes on for all eternity. Love like this day will never come again because it won't. Live like you will exsist Forever because you will" (Gerth)
My life with Clara has taught me to see differently. I love celebrating every day with her, knowing how far we have
come and learned together. Our milestones are small and infrequent, but they are worthy.
I do still have my times where I grieve for what's lost and different, but in the next moment there is great joy. I think this joy and grief couldn't be without the other.
I have accepted that they are one in the same maybe for some time, and I'm okay.
My trust in God has had its ups and downs, despite how I may seem, what I write, or say. I have bad days with it all, Clara's stuff and Madeline's. Sometimes my faith is very deep and other times "it wasn't or isn't strong enough to rest in His sovereignty, So I spend time afraid. But despite my lack of faith God would and does strategically cue people and events to show that he was/is with me. Like offering small acts of goodness to let my fearful heart see his hand.He will do what it takes for faithless eyes to see His presence, because he is just that Good" (Journey Devotional October 2015)
We celebrated Clara's second birthday with family, friends, and her nurses. The theme was wheels on the bus, her favorite song now. I tried to make it so perfect for her, knowing she would understand. One of many favortie days with my Clara. The day that marked me!
My trust in God has had its ups and downs, despite how I may seem, what I write, or say. I have bad days with it all, Clara's stuff and Madeline's. Sometimes my faith is very deep and other times "it wasn't or isn't strong enough to rest in His sovereignty, So I spend time afraid. But despite my lack of faith God would and does strategically cue people and events to show that he was/is with me. Like offering small acts of goodness to let my fearful heart see his hand.He will do what it takes for faithless eyes to see His presence, because he is just that Good" (Journey Devotional October 2015)
We celebrated Clara's second birthday with family, friends, and her nurses. The theme was wheels on the bus, her favorite song now. I tried to make it so perfect for her, knowing she would understand. One of many favortie days with my Clara. The day that marked me!
I can't find my Nikon camera cord to upload all my fabulous photos. These are on my phone. So many wonderful people were there. These pics aren't enough to show the day.
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