Type 1 Diabetes

This photo was taken 2010 at a local strawberry patch. Madeline has just stuffed the biggest strawberry in her mouth. That day I smiled a million smiles being with her. She has been my heart song, my constant, my joy. 

This past weekend I noticed she was complaining with not feeling well. But then she would feel better, so I didn't think too much about it. So on Monday morning her teacher brought her to me because she was complaining with a headache and stomach ache. So I asked my mom to pick her up from school and I made a dr appointment for them at 11:25 am. I really thought it was just a virus. 

At 12:30 I got a call that they were sending her to the ER with my husband because they had found sugar in her urine and her blood sugar was 504. It should be 90-125. They diagnosed her there with type1diabetes.

Then again...our life changed. 

We rushed her to the ER where she stayed until late that evening, and moved to a room, where she still is. 

She looks a thousand times better. Her blood sugar is still a bit high, but they have said that is normal with a new diagnosis. We have together been with her, learning all about correcting carbs, taking blood glucose, free foods, ketones, etc. 

First shot I gave her she whimpered and pushed my hand away, and I cried. With all the things I've had to  do with/to Clara, this has been in a way harder. 

She asked Jason and I night before last why this had to happen to her. And I just said, exactly what I knew. What I have had to learn. We each have a story, and that this was hers. 

Me. I am totally numb.Waiting for my heart to literally break in half . I have absolutely no idea how to begin to care for them both, except put one foot in front of the other and just do it. THIS in its self would be hard for any family, but with Clara as well...this seems unrealistic. 

My faith is worn. I have my mustard seed, but I am quiet, except with the same prayer. Have I not been faithful enough Lord?.... I hear nothing back.