Steps of Faith: 1 year 2 days later...

She is clothed with strength and dignity;

she can laugh at the days to come.

Proverbs 31:25

Clara has been home for one year and two days. The photo above was taken on our car ride home, before we even left the hospital parking lot. I remember thinking, she is completely mine.

I had no idea what to expect, but somehow I knew we would learn as we went. And we have. It has been a year of ups and downs. A lot of joy and yes still loss, for what we had hoped. I have felt grief and sadness from far too many test results, doctor's diagnosis, and from just watching her struggle. My core has been shaken to the point I thought if anything else comes, I will break.

But also...I have also experienced love beyond measure. I have watched everyday a little miracle survive. She has grown in her own way, and has just the sweetest little personality. Her smile warms my heart, as well as it does her daddy's. She fights us on a daily basis and frustrates us just like any 17 month old would. She has changed myself, Jason, and Madeline for the better. Although I have always thought God gave her to us because she needed us, I think really He knew how much we all three needed her.

I don't know what is to come for Clara, but I know its going to great. I will be right along with her always. The three of us will never stop from helping her reach her potential to live the life God has planned for her.

I ran into an old/new friend just last night at the drug store. I just know we were supposed to run into each other, because we just had the best conversation. She too has a chronically sick child, totally different situation, but still the same. we were talking about how the future is always just so scary, and how hard it is to live this roller coaster, anxiously waiting for the next low. The next sickness, infection, bad test result, doctors appointment, hospitalization, more medications, and what if they don't work, This ride is dramatic and exhausting. How do you cope with it? How can you sustain a life forever like that? She asked me those questions, and to be honest I ask myself that all the time especially lately.

Just last week I have really had to just pray about it and had to remind myself just stay where I am. Deal, worry with what is right in front of me. There are so many other things that are coming our way. I can see them, decisions to be made, but I just can't deal with them.So I put my trust in God that when they come he will give me the strength then. No one knows what tomorrow will be. Maybe some can plan better than others, but for me I stay where I am today. Good, bad, or just plain old messy. I stay.

In Holly Gerth's blog post How to Cure Your Fear of the Future she tells us to be a Proverbs 31 woman. "How do we live without fear for the future? The woman in Proverbs 31 chapter has a life full of verbs. She brings, selects, works, get ups, provides, plants, sees, holds, grasps, extends, makes, sell,s supplies, watches, and fears the Lord. This kind of woman is of action. Even in the small things, she takes the next step. This next step is obedience, and with that the fear of the future diminishes.

Be faithful with what has been entrusted to you today and do it. With strength and dignity she laughs at the days to come. "

No one knows the future. No matter what your situation is, how perfect or hard it is. It is in God's hands. Good or bad the HOPE is...He will never leave us, He will sustain YOU and I, and will rescue us all.

My new goal: Be thankful for what you have this day and for all that has been given to you, entrusted to you. Then take a step into the next day!!