Update

Such a long time since my last post. Life has just been so busy. I spent two months home with Clara, and returned to work last week. I think after a week and an half I have gotten back into the sync of school. I have only really taught about four weeks this entire year, two before she was born and two in February right before she came home. So needless to say the transition has been tough, and of course all the feelings that a new mom has leaving her baby are included in all that. I guess the guilt of leaving her home, because of her medical needs, as been really enormous. However I do know that she is in wonderful hands with super nurses who love her, and my school is literally 8/10ths of a mile down the road from our home. But like any new mom, it's just hard. I just continue to pray for direction and peace about my choices. Summer break will be here before you know it!

Clara is 10 8 ounces and 21.5 inches and is doing great. We are just so in love with her and continue to thank God for his many blessings. She gets PT ever Tuesday afternoon and is making good progress. Even for her adjusted age she is delayed, but her therapists think she can get caught up. Some of the things we work with her on: stretching her legs (her hamstrings are tight), stretching her feet, hands,  tummy time, head control and trunk control, reaching and grabbing toys( which she isn't much interested in). Clara is just so social and just mostly wants to look at me, or therapist the entire time and smile. She has always been just so nosey :)

This past Saturday I cancelled the nurse and we took Clara to Madeline's first T ball game. It was really important to Maddie that we all go. This was Clara's first outing. Leaving the house with all the equipment is always so hard, but lately Clara just really hates her car seat. Because she is bigger I think her trach is uncomfortable in the car seat. I actually had to call her the trach specialist and UNC for some help with this. But once we got to the ball field she calmed down and slept through the game. Madeline did great, but just a little rusty on some stuff. She nailed a hit all the way to the fence and ran as hard as she could to first base holding her bat. Which was adorable. 

Bath time has gotten easier. She loved just sitting in some warm water and not being held. Of course we have to be so careful to not get water in her trach and stoma. But we have managed to let go and just let her sit. This little look on her face is pretty common with her....its like she is thinking "Im not sure about this!"

She loves to watch her self in the mirror while she baths. Jason and I give her baths on Saturday before her trach change. Her nurse usually baths her during the day, just to take something off my plate. I resisted that in the beginning, because I wanted to do them all, but really it is nice to just get to hold her and play until bed time. The weekends although are all ours!

I have to say that we are just so blessed with out nurses at home. It does comes with it's challenges, but overall we couldn't do it on our own. As much as I LOVE Clara and want to be apart of her everything I realized very fast I can't do it all. Her trach care is constant. Feeding can sometimes take an hour, with the suctioning and stopping to burp, pacing, etc. Not to mention the trach care twice a day and then all the other baby stuff. Once you embrace your help at home nursing, and just go with it, it really is just so nice. Communication is just important.  It is a partnership. 

I can't believe it has been over two months since Clara has been home. Our times at UNC, good and bad, are beginning to be just a memory. I thought I would relive them over and over again forever, but really they just fade. Our time there is just apart of Clara's story. I think all the time of where how far we have come, and praise GOD for getting us to where we are now. I know he carried me through it. I can't say that all our days are easy. Sometimes its just a lot. I think when you just do it, your routines you don't think about it. But when you stop and think how much you do have to do, can't do and how vastly things are from other people's lives, it is difficult. And your are sad for just a moment. THEN...you remember it all and you see Clara and Madeline together and it just so good again. Jason and I just support each other in what ever we are feeling, and that helps so much. I could not do any of this without being married to such a wonderful person.  Our steps are in tune with each other. He is by far my best person, friend to me.