God, your thoughts are not my thoughts (Isa. 55:8).
What you have planned for me is beyond all I can ask or imagine (Eph. 3:19–20).
Yet you have also promised to reveal it to me through your Spirit (1 Cor. 2:8–10).
So I open my heart, mind, and life to more of you—to whatever you have for me.
Where there is ongoing fear in my life, please replace it with faith.
Where there is a desire to hold back, give me the strength to move forward.
Where there is a desert, lead me into the Promised Land you have prepared for me. I embrace that my part is to pray, plan, and most of all seek you.
And yours is to get me where you want me to go (Prov. 16:9 and 19:21).
Wherever that is, that’s where I want to be too. Because there’s no better place in this world or the next than with you (Ps. 84:10).
Your Kingdom come, your will be done, on earth (especially my little corner of it) as it is in heaven (Matt. 6:10).
In Your name, amen.
With much thought and prayer I have decided to resign from teaching art, effective this Tuesday. This decision has been one of the most difficult personal decisions I have had to make. I want to focus on Clara, Madeline, Jason and MYSELF in the upcoming year. I am praying for some part time work, and that God will open doors for this so I can keep some nursing hours.
A year ago when faced what to do I wasn't ready to leave it. I didn't know what was ahead for Clara and us. So I held on to the one stable thing in my life at the time, something I knew I was good at, teaching.
This year has taken a beating on our family, and even though we have weathered the many storms that came our way. It has certainly taken its toll on me.
I have always managed very well under stress, I almost have thrived under a lot thrown my way. I know now that this was God's design for me. Past experiences and those Edgerton genes have shaped me this way. This belief to never give up has followed me, well for as long as I can remember. I think maybe this is why I have managed to stay the entire year at school.
God laid his God sized dream on me a couple of months ago, to stay home with Clara. It was a teacher workday. I was at an art county workshop but having to step out a few times to take and make calls from Clara's specialists because she was sick, and also calling to make arrangements for an eye procedure with her eye specialist. I remember thinking there wasn't enough time in the working day to listen and do all I needed to do.
On the way back to school I got lost because I was on the phone upset with Walgreens because they had lost one of her prescriptions once again. It was somewhere between there and my school that realized I was trying to take care of everyone else but myself. I felt the stress was laying on me like a ton of bricks, and it was then I realized that it was going to destroy me. I pulled the car over and called Jason very upset, and that was the first time I said I just couldn't do it all anymore.
Since then I have prayed that God would show me the way and that he would give me faith and strength to make the right decision, financially, for the girls, for Jason and for myself.
I have changed my mind a thousand times, and have sought the support from friends and family to encourage me with this enormous decision.
For thirteen years I have been at the same school, and have worked with some of the smartest people that have inspired and encouraged me professionally and personally. I will miss them most of all and the mere fact that I belonged to such an amazing team off all 100+ staff members.
Everyday I have felt challenged with the responsibility of instilling the love of art and education in over 1,000 kids. I will miss each little face and their families tremendously. As a dear art teacher friend said on her last day "At the end if it all, I hope I made a difference. I hope they left loving art-even if they didn't always love me."
As I pack up my art classroom and all 13 years of stuff that I have collected, I pray the same prayer above and that God will push me forward, encourage me when I am lonely for what I have left, open doors for what is to come, and continue to love me and my little family.
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